he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize