at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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