My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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