Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
