please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
