he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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