hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
