The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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