Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
