funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
