just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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