Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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