what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
