Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
