Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
