Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize