her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
