Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
