umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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