At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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