and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
