I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize