Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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