Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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