i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
