Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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