i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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