i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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