You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i think i just lost a toe
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
