No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
