i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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