she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize