You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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