Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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