proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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