If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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