Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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