Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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