My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
