we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
