He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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