So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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