Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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