I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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