Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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