party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
