he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
