my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
