That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
