wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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