Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
