Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize