I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
