her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
