bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
