i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
