i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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