I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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