you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize