i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
