I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
