ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
