she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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