I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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