Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
