took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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