so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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