next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
