My liver just broke up with me...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize