I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
