My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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