haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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