We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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