Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
