He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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